Today's site update.....And Purple Rain Lyrics  / Lisa
Today I put Purple Rain on the site as Background music..... It took alot of thought and alot of heart to do this .. but since this site is for Pam and about Pam, I realized I had to do it .. She loved this song and played more then I care to stand sometimes HAHA>> BUT .. also .. I reread these lyrics over and over and over .. and I think they also ment something to her...this goes way back from what I understand (her love for this song) I wont leave this song on here long..I know some of us can laugh at the fact that she thought Prince was this awesome guy and loved his music(when doves cry was another she listened to alot to) .. but those of us who laugh also feel such heaviness in the heart when we hear this song.............. It's a bitter sweet reminder of the wonderful person we all love and miss so much ..

SO ... with that said.. .. Please if you to have a hard time listening to this song .. there is a stop on the player in the right hand corner of the page that you can click stop..
and ..
Pam... this is for you sweetie..................it took me a while but here it is.. and We all love you ... with all our hearts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I never meant 2 cause u any sorrow
I never meant 2 cause u any pain
I only wanted 2 one time see u laughing
I only wanted 2 see u laughing in the purple rain

Purple rain purple rain
Purple rain purple rain
Purple rain purple rain

I only wanted 2 see u bathing in the purple rain

I never wanted 2 be your weekend lover
I only wanted 2 be some kind of friend
Baby I could never steal u from another
It’s such a shame our friendship had 2 end

Purple rain purple rain
Purple rain purple rain
Purple rain purple rain

I only wanted 2 see u underneath the purple rain

Honey I know, I know, I know times are changing
It’s time we all reach out 4 something new
That means u 2
U say u want a leader
But u can’t seem 2 make up your mind
I think u better close it
And let me guide u 2 the purple rain

Purple rain purple rain
Purple rain purple rain

If you know what I’m singing about up here
C’mon raise your hand

Purple rain purple rain

I only want 2 see u, only want 2 see u
In the purple rain

Close

Girl I'm Gonna miss you ..  / Lese
This song couldnt have said it any better.................






Girl I'm Gonna Miss You

I knew it from the start
You would break my heart
But still I had to play this painful part
You rapped me 'round your little bitty finger
With your magic smile
You kept me hangin' on a lovers cross a while
You put your spell on me
Took my breath away
But there was nothin' I could do to make you stay
I'm gonna miss you
All the love I feel for you
Nothing could make me change my point of view
Oh girl
I'm gonna miss you baby

Giving all the love I feel for you
Couldn't make you change your point of view
You're leavin'
Now I'm sittin' here, I'm wastin' my time
I just don't know what I should do

It's a tragedy for me
To see the dream is over
And I never will forget the day we met
Girl I'm gonna miss you

Like a honey bee
You look the best of me
Now I can't erase those memories
Like a fairy tale
You are so unreal
You left a scar that's so hard to heal
When you had a taste of paradise
Back on earth can feel
As cold as ice
I'm gonna miss you
I miss you

Giving all the love I feel for you
Couldn't make you change your point of view
You're leavin'
Now I'm sittin' here, I'm wastin' my time
I just don't know what I should do

Close

WOW!!! / Lese

Pam, I wish you could have seen just how amazing you were to all of us ! your website has almost hit 10,000 visit's ! I am sure half must be from me and the kids and shawn and your mom  LOL  But we love you soo much !!
 .. Anyway .. I miss you soo much and can't wait to see you in heaven and see that smile I so much love .. I am getting ready to go back to sleep for awhile .. but wanted to come here and say hello and that I love ya..


........ Thank you to everyone for all of your love and wonderful memories of pam ..

I love you pam!!!!
Love always  and forever ..
Lese

Close

I had forgotten ....  / Lese
today i finally checked my other email addresses .. and had so much forgotten all the things you had me sign you up for under my email address .. I had tons of emails for you . Mostly junk but there was the ones from the credit places when we ran your credit checks .. just asking you to sign up for some service they have now .. and ones from carreer link... I guess I always thought if something came in I could pick the phone up and call ya .. Guess I was wrong.Britty and I were here together this morning . We had a lousy nite .. Laura was sick all nite .. kept us up all nite throwing up and coughing .. she is asleep now.. but it reminded me of the time you and I had stayed up all nite cause she was sick and she had threw up all over 2 sets of sheets and we were just plain exhausted ..with washing sheets in the middle of the nite and cleaning up vomit(which I could never get completly cleaned up before I was in the bathroom my self !) I remember how you used to laugh soo hard at me.. that I had given birth to 5 kids and couldnt clean up vomit or blood..
I remember going into panic mode when I would even hear someone was sick or hurt cause I just knew i would get sick .. and every single time you would just laugh and laugh and call me a wus .. things havent changed much .. I still can't get through cleaning that stuff up without getting sick!
  I laugh so hard thinking of some of the things you used to just pick at me about .. and how I would give anything in the world to hear you picking at me now..
I dreamt about you last nite .. it was strange cause i started out in this crazy nite mare.. dont even want to try to figure it out either it scared the daylights out of me .. then I had another dream that made no sense then one about you and laura ..
But what is more funny is .. this made no sense to me .. cause I didnt know the area.. who you were with and get this babe .. you were in a Black Jaguar ! Wouldnt that have been nice hahahah..has got to be the meds again letting dream such crazyness......
But either way it was nice to dream of you and hear your voice in my dreams as i always remember it and see that smile !!!
   Sometimes I think if I could pay the devil to bring you back I would .. I think to myself I would sell my soul to the devil just to have you here...
 But we all know that can't happen...
Well.. better get off here for now . . I am getting soo tired again....a few hours of sleep is horrible when you do it every single nite

love always.
lese Close

Thinking about you .....  / Lese
today i missed you so much and spent most the day just thinking about you .... I can't tell you just how lonely I have been in recent days and you not being here is really hitting me now. I wish so much for a phone call or to see you popping in knocking on the door with your soda in hand !
I so much wish I could turn back the clock .. and hold you a little tighter that last time we hugged maybe just maybe you would be here today .
I so much miss hearing your voice just calling for me .. "Yo Lese"
I dont think anyone could ever say my name with so much joy or enthusiasm like you did.. I think back to the last day we spent together and how it just felt like so much you wanted to say something .. I wish I knew today what it was you wanted to say . I hate that on that day you had to park 3 blocks away to come see me ... the thought makes my stomach hurt..... to think of what must have been going on in your mind in the last 3 months before you died.. what you must have felt to carry on as if you werent seeing me and laura or spending such precious time and making more memories with us.

I will never forgive myself for allowing us to part and letting you live the last days of your life as you did .. not with me ... not with laura,missing laura's christmas.. missing out on so much love that we have for you.
I know you love her so much and it's so clear even today as we come on this website how very very much she loves you !
I know she would give the world to be held in your arms!

I know you are with her ... but the sound of your voice would be so much nicer the feel of your touch even better............your spiritual presense is so clear in this house I hate to move away ... afraid that you wouldnt find your way with us ... We talk about you every single day ...
Britty misses you soo much ... she still cries when she comes here to the site. That little girl really loves you pam.. you and Mandy .. god I dont think I ever seen her give so much of herself to anyone .. you two really stole her heart away .

Pam, In my most recent days I have come to see that all the changes in the world won't heal or mend or even fix this broken heart I have . all the changes in the world wont stop me from loving you or missing or needing and wanting you .. and all the changes in the world wont ever take you out of me or where I am .... I so much miss you .. and love you .. and not a day goes by that I dont cry out to you .. just needing to hear you or feel you .
You are still my world.. my life .. my soulmate.. the one that makes these eyes sparkle and my heart COMPLETE.. you are the one who holds onto every single inch of my soul and being!
I pray for strenght to go on and I get it .. I pray for the ache to be lifted and in my moments of dispare I feel the ache lift and i awaken to see I can carry on another day .. I pray for so much but the one thing I pray for I never recieve and that is to have you back here on this earth with us..
I love you babe... and I can't say it enough. 

With all my love,
today , tomorrow, always
lisa
Close

Please give Steven a hug for me ..  / Lisa

Hey pam .. I am here again .. just stopping by to tell how very much I miss you and love you .
Today is one year that Steven killed himself and I miss him so much ..
and I know your up there in heaven with him now .. and the 2 of you together have a powerful force over me and my family ... Please give him a hug for me from his big sister!!! .. the Anniversary of dad's death is coming up soon too .. and this all to much to take at once.. But I know how you like to hand out those hugs so I am asking that you hand out a few for me ! :)
I miss you soo much and often think to myself if I had another day with you for every hug you ever gave we would all have a lifetime with you again .. If I had a day with  you for every smile I ever shared with you it would be an eternity .. why can't life be built on smiles, love and hugs?
then you would still be here with us ..

I sit and look at laura and how much she is growing.. how she can count to 8 now or tell me who is who in pictures or items in pictures.. how she can tell some of her shapes or colors.. and she is only 2 1/2 .. we worked so hard for her to be this smart little girl and over come any and all obsticules she may have had in her way and it's so hard to not be able to share her accomplishments with you .
Sometimes at nite she lyes in bed and starts to sing twinkle twinkle little star .. and I lay there and smile .. cause i often wonder if your lying there next to her singing with her or to her...
She is just amazing .. she has soo much love to give and always has a hug for someone .. Just like you .. it's soo amazng to me how your loving ways show in laura .
I used to see so much of you in eric when he was around .. and mandy she had your bullheadedness :) but that soft heart too,their ability to love and love forever and their ability to care for even the hardest of hearts.
and Now I know .. it's because you shared so much of you with them that they carried so much of you in who they are .. You loved them so deeply that they have a part of you in them !!

I have this feeling today that is just the worst and as I read my mother's feelings about Steve.. and your mom's words to you i can't imagine how either feel and it hurts me and pains me that there is nothing I can do to make either one feel better....
I only wish that you and Steven would have had a glimsp into time and you could have and would have felt and seen how very much your parents would , hurt and miss you and feel empty.
please ban together up there to help their hearts heal .
I hurt soo much for Mom .. it wasnt enough she lost dad like this but to loose a son , and now you .. she and you always did get along.. I can remember so many times getting so upset cause you too talked NON stop! I guess it was a little of that daughter jealousy :)
Pam .. I just dont think you understood all the people you touched... and the people who love you and have been torn apart by this.. and I am asking that first and formost you please please take the heaviness off your mom's heart.. I see the hurt my own mom is going through loosing Steven and it's killing me .. So please wrap your arms around her and comfort her .. help her heal and help her feel your love from heaven. I have so much faith in you and know that you never truely ment to hurt anyone and you never wanted anyone to feel as they do today. So please hear my prayers and help the broken hearts mend and heal.. even if it's one heart at a time .

Pam ......... I love you .. No matter where I am or what I am doing you will always carry my heart. You will always be remembered and loved and I will never forget you nor let anyone else forget you !

I can't wait to get to heaven to see you and Steven and dad ..
Please keep me a spot near by but one for your Mom and Dad right NEXT to you .. give my little brother that hug for me and tell him it's from his Big Sister...and give dad one too from his lil girl
with
all  my love ... forever
Lese

Close

Bless this Angel...  / Tina Dore Angel Gene Bungay
Just stopping by to send my prayers and say hello to this very special angel. Praying our Angels watch over us every moment of everyday. 

If you haven't already released a Virtual Butterfly for your Angel, please feel free to follow the link below, I have created a site to release butterflies for all our angels... 
http://hometown.aol.com/tinangene4e/ButterflyRelease.html Close

Missing you  / Shawn Brother
Pam, its been two months yesterday that you are gone and i still miss you like crazy. I still can't believe your gone and still ask questions of why and know they will never be answered. I just wish you were still here to talk and hug and have fun with. Everyone missed you soo much and Mom's hurt is broken i've never seen her like this. The mention of your name makes her cry. As i sit here now and cry because i miss you so much. You're always on my mind and i promise i will never forget you. It's funny i go to the store and see stuff and either say or think Pam would have liked that.
I just want you here so i can talk with you and most of all hug you.
It still doesn't seem real that your gone. I know i keep going on about how i miss you but it is the truth and i sit here all the time when i'm on this site and cry because i remember the things we talked about and all the stuff we did together. I remember  when we got that blizzard in 93 me and you were in the bathroom smoking cigarettes together cuz i wasn't  aloud to smoke. The memories just keep coming and always puts a smile on my face, i guess the biggest thing is that we can't make anymore memories together and that is what hurts the most.
I just want you to know that i love you soo much and i will never,ever forget you. I miss you so much, just want you near. I seen the picture of you and Lu where she is in the laundry basket and your in the chair, i told mom it made me think of God and how your arm is stretched out and your looking at her making sure she is going to be o k and that nothing is going to happen. That made me think of how God has his hand stretched out over us to make sure nothing is goin to happen to us. You were such a blessing to people and never even knew it. i know it now , i just took it for granted before and i am sorry for that. Just want you to know that i will never do it again. Your death has taught me so much, like not taking things for granted and the most important thing to give someone is not material things but TIME. I ' m gonna go for now i love you whole heartedly and miss you and wish i could see you one more time, and i will when the Lord calls me home. I know you'll be there waitin on me and i will be ready for that long over due hug. love ya Pam, love always and forever your brother Shawn Close

I MISS YOU SO MUCH  / LISA

I made it through another month without you and as much as I sit and pray for this emptiness to go away it just isnt . I see all the love and pain posted on here each day and each week and I so much wish there was a way I could walk right up there to heaven and tell god .. NOT NOW! We so much need her here with us and take your hand bring you home.
But of course who am I to argue with god ! But it's always a thought in my mind and something I wish I could do and can't and that is frustrating.
I seen Jessica the other day .. it was strange to talk to her and not have you there with me .. I think there wasnt a time I ever ran into her that you werent right there with your bubbly self smiling and hugging her and talking away.. we ended up talking for a good while right in turkey hill.. and when I walked away I felt soo empty.. so missing you .. so alone.
  I miss you pam and pray each day for the strenght to keep going .. and As much as I am .. it's been a long tough road .. and when I change things I feel like I am leavin you behind! And that too sucks.. miss  you soo much and I love you soooooooo very much ..
Huggs and kisses
lese

Close

Just to say i love you  / Mom

I'm Free
Don't grieve for me,for now i'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day
to laugh,to love, to work or play.
Tasks undone must stay that way.
I found that peace at close of day.
If my parting has left a void
then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,ah, yes, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I've savored much,
good friends,good times, a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and share with me
God wanted me now:
He has set me free.
love forever mom, my heart still hurts and will forever miss you

Close

Another talk with you .............  / Lese
Dear Pam..                                             02/24/2006




Hey sweetie! just wanted to stop and write you again .. I have Been finally coming back slowly... And this week for some reason was my breaking point to the fullest..
I thought I was hitting rock bottom and then I suddenly awoken and realized I have to move forward..
I have begun to do so .. Cause something in me has made it soo very clear that is what you would want me to do .
I decided to check into becoming an EMT .. so ... that was step one .
I am going to take Motorcycle classes to learn to drive motorcycle and get my license.. that was step 2.. all things that I HAVE never done or wanted to do .. I am gonna do .. why .. so I know I have truely tried it all .
For some odd reason .. I have begun to realize I can no longer take my life or those around me for granit. One chance is all I get to do it and do it right . Some how I feel like I failed in our relationship by letting us seperate instead of working on this together .. and I see so clearly .. that is not the answer ever .. the answer is work on what ever up front and right then .. dont wait.
I was angry that we were seperated and that you did what you did and we never even so much said good bye ,, our last words to each other was I love you 2 weeks before you did this .
And I think YOU PLANNED it that way .. and I am ok with that .. cause when we talked to each other .. we refused to use good byes cause good bye was forever. SO in not saying goodbye to me  to me or laura you didnt leave room for never again .. you just left it as youll see us later .. and you know what . You will.
Step 3 was  I have begun to let go of things and start my self anew.. I have begun to redo the bedroom .. and change things.. I just needed that change . almost all in here has been replaced now . And even tho I have your pics  here and my memories of you and Us. I needed to establish my own idenentiy again just me .. and begin to put things as I would have them rather then live in your memory by leaving things as you kept them.
I still love you .. but miss you so much I was making my self sick and then one day just woke and realized I needed to become me again . that would make you more happier and proud then seeing me laying around crying all day or seeing me fake a smile ... I never faked anything with you and I dont feel you want me to fake who I am or how I feel now .
YOur still my every thought and every inch of my heart.. But I have started to let the healing begin. I know there will be bad days , tough days . But I also know for sure your here with me at times so I am not alone.and I can rise above those days and make it . Your faith in me is what is getting me through this . You may hve died but I feel your faith in me more and more each day .. if that makes sense.
well .. Laura is sitting here just pickin at me like you always did what I got online AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA soooo  I better go down stairs and clean up .. got company coming today so better get moving..
I miss ya girl .. and I STILL LOVE YOU WITH EVERY SINGLE INCH OF MY SOUL AND HEART.
with love .. see ya later..
lese
P.S YOU will NEVER be replaced .. EVER EVER EVER >> YOU ARE AND ALWAYS WILL BE MY GIRLFRIEND,my very best friend,AND soulmate. But a very wise and very smart young lady we both love soo much told me you would want to see me happy .. NOT as I have been . and I realize she was right ! Close

here to talk  / Shawn

Pam, just wanted to sit here and talk with you, just want you to know how much i love and miss you. I know mom is still struggling with the loss of you. We all are. I miss you so much and was looking forward for us doin stuff together this summer but that will have to wait til we meet again. It breaks my heart not to be able to see you anymore and to talk, and most of all hug you. I visit your resting place but it bothers me to be there cause  its not meant to be your not supposed to be there yet. Am i greedy ?  YEAH i am i want you here to talk and carry on with. I still miss everytime i walk in mom s house that you aren't there to hug me. I know where you are and that you are better and what a peace that puts in my heart.
I 'm still a little jealous that you got to meet Jesus before me. Its still hard i puu in at moms and see your car and think you are there and then realize your not. I never thought i would be here writting a letter on a in memory of site for you. I thought we still had time, thats what happens when you take things for granted and i really learned 2 things with the loss of you. One being not to take things for granted and the 2 is the best thing you can give someone is your time and you always did that. And i try to do that alot more now since we had time together before your death. I want to let everyone know i care no matter how small or big a situation may be.
It's good that we had time together and i am really glad that i got to tell you that I love you before that happened and if i knew it was gonna happen i would have never left that day. I would have stayed with you. It just really hurts to know that yo are gone and its not a dream.Its been almost 2 months and i still miss you like crazy and all i want to do is hug you and never let go. Back to not being able to visit your grave site something just bothers me when i am there, i think its because i still find it hard to believe . I have been talking to Mandy and Eric i gonna have them all down for dinner. I just wish you here. Its hard everytime i think of you i cry because i miss you and sometimes i feel like you didn't know how much everyone loved you, or how we could have shown you. I know that you know we love you but i think you understand what i m saying. Evertime something happens God always brings glory out of it for himself and others and you can see thinks that have changed and we are affected by your loss not just for the moment but for good. So i thank you for giving yourself kind of  like Jesus did to bring us together  but at the same time i want you here  and could careless if anyone else is happy. Its funny how God will let you see how he works and the things He will do in certain situations. I give God the glory everyday cause he gave his son to die for me and you. Pam i know that you knew that and i love the felling that it gives me to know that. So to my big sister form your little brother, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY! love ya Pam, love always Shawn

Close

Just need to talk to u  / Lese (Girlfriend)
Dear Pam ..                                        February 22,2006





You know me girl .. it was always easier to write it then say it .. So here I am again this week .. writting you . I reread letters we wrote to each other and look at the pictures and wonder soo much what went wrong? What was missing ? What didnt you know ? I have thought alot about you this week more then usual .. I just miss you . It's the time of year that we always enjoyed most hahahah Tax time hahahah. I remember last year you were so upset about not having the extra to play with like every other year and I told you "hun just look at it like this .. at least you have insurance on your car.. and you have your bills paid" and You just gave me that look . you know that look that said shut up now cuase your not helping me any hahahahahahahh
I remember that day like it was yesterday ..
I was thinking this morning .. and remembered the first time we ever kissed .. I think I was so nervous I almost peed my pants hahahah and OHH god .. only you and I know what happened that made us jump out of our skin  at that moment but it was all tooo funny when we heard that noise and found out we were NOT alone !!! And that was the same day we were watching MTV and If your gone came on for the first time .. and something about the song and about the meaning made both of us just look at each other .. and we knew it was OUR song..
I remember sitting in front of my pc just staring at the blank screen thinking about you and wondering .. wow .. is this really happening ? Did I fall in love a girl .. this girl.. and My dad would look at me like I was crazy hahaha . And finally after about a week of that he asked you "what did you do to that girl ???" I will never forget you telling me how he grilled you wanting to know what was going on cause I was soo into space and wlking around like I was just out of it... Love sick on cloud nine..
And mom .. ohh my god .. that nite I took the kids shopping with there birthday money and I said " if pam calls I will call her as soon as I get home" I just remember mom asking me . "OHH and what is going on with you and Pam ?" I think the smile gave it away or the way I said if you call I will call you as soon as I get home!.. but she laughed and said "you can't pull nothing past your mother girl .. you know that !"
It's funny how I remember almost every conversation we shared .. every dream we shared .. every single moment together .. and it feels like it was just yesterday .. and I want to reach out and hold you .. touch you .. kiss you .. and I can't .. I remember so much how you loved it when I kissed your chin or cheek that smile was priceless.. and I havent seen it in sooo long that my heart just aches and burns with sadness... The last time you hugged me .. god I would give anything to feel that again ..
WE built up this home with all that we have .. and I just have things now .. NOT YOU .. NOT YOUR LOVE >> NOT YOUR VOICE NOT YOUR HUGGS OR KISSES JUST STUFF>>>> JUST THINGS>>
JUST MEMORIES...
It sucks .. when I make toast with my coffee.. I remember the day we bought the toaster! When I make something in the Microwave .. I remember when Mary got it for us cause someone broke in our house and stole the one we bought together !!!! When I watch TV  I remember the day you gave me that MONSTER OF A TV for my Birthday !
when I brush my hair .. I remember the day we bought the brush ... and when I wash my cloths .. I remember the day the knob got broken off the washer and how it is stuck on xtra large wash all the time now and you used to yell cause you had to use an entire tub of water if you wanted to wash one thing seperate from everything else!!
I can still see you reaching over and saying "Hun we really need to fix that washer cuase it's bullsh** to waste that much water " ( I never did get it fixed and probably never will)
I miss you pam ..................I just miss you .......I dont think there is enough words in the english dictionary to explain how much I miss you .. My soul mate.. my heart. my friend .. MY BEST FRIEND .. my lover .. my girlfriend my everything!!!!!!!!!!!!! i remember one time telling you I felt I would die this lonely old woman  and you laughed and said "Come on Lese you know better then that!"... funny cause it seems my destiny is set for me now ....and lonely I will be . I can be surrounded by my kids and friends and family but honestly .. with you gone.. I am and always will be lonely.There is no substitute for you .. nor a replacement .. I guess you can say I am just wingin it now . just chillin.. just haning in .. just doing what I gotta do .. and silently I am soo excited for the day to come that I get to see your face again!! The day i get to hear your voice say HEY LESE!!!
All the times I complained that you walked to fast that I couldnt keep up.. all the times I complained that you would run off in the store and I couldnt find you and I would hear you yell for me 5 isles away " LESE !!! LESE!! WHERE YOU AT ???? YOU GOT TO SEE THIS!!"
My shopping days are soo boring now .. cuase I dont have that anymore!
I dont think anyone but my mom really understands where I am coming from . just how much I miss you .. How much this has impacted my life and taken away soo much of who I am who I had become who I wanted to be  .. I soo much remember there WAS a glow and gleam to me when I was with you .. even if we fought I still loved you .. God sometimes I think those fights is what made us as strong as we was cause I know I didnt want to let go it wasnt a matter of lettin you go but letting you heal .. I just wish MY best laid plans would have worked out for the best and not as they did .. You werent supposed to quit! You werent supposed to end it .. you werent supposed to stop fighting and caring .. You werent supposed to walk away and say F*** it all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You were supposed to keep on fighting.. you promised me ! You swore to me you would be ok .. that this was going to work out for the  best..You promised you would never leave me alone ever .. you just promised me...........................................and yet I never felt soo alone
and I am here without you  .. silently .. patiently waiting for the day I see you again ..
I love you so so much .. And miss you soooo soo much .......
 Forever yours in heart and Soul..
Lese Close

Just wanted to bs with ya!  / Lese (Girlfriend)
Hi sweetie! just wanted to stop in and say hello! I had such a good time Saturday nite hanging out with Mandy and Liz and Sue.. Brittany loves your niece ! They hit it off instantly...... And I never realized how much sue and I were alike in alot of ways.. It's so clear what you loved bout her! She is awesome. I couldnt stop looking at mandy and seeing how much she has grown! I still remember that young teenager who was always yelling back at us ! haha......... and then She just amazes me with her ways and how soo much she really is like you.. I just seen so much in her that I saw in you over the years.. all good of course!!
Brittany was so sad to see her go as always...... but she is ok ..
I played that damn powerball.. you know me always chasing rainbows . And of course didnt even win a dollar ! They say some lady in Conneticut won .. Let me win.... I am buying my own lane where we can move near each other in brand new houses! Cuase I felt like my heart was just leaving me when Mandy had to leave ! :{
But I am ok .. I had to come here this morning and just see your face......... althought I can look around my office and livin room and see you that wasnt good enough.
Laura misses you soo much too ... when Mandy came here she got your pics and told mandy ..she wanted to go see you ..She didnt do much talking tho .. she decided it would be her pointing day ... so she just hung onto Mandy and Sue most of the nite til she fell asleep and pointed rather then talked. 
We all miss you soo much .. I havent had a good cry in weeks .. I have been trying to fight back the tears .. but everytime I hear your mandy's voice god girl.. the memories flood back like yesterday . and well .. today I just felt lonely .. really lonely .. I hate to see when these guys all grow up and move out ! I am what .. 2 years away from the oldest ones going.. I keep screaming at myself inside.. HOLD ON GIRL >> BRACE YOURSELF >> HERE IT COMES!! Guess it would be ok cuase we alwas talked about the day the kids would get older and it would be just us left.. then Laura came .. hahahaaha who would have thought! You know .. even tho she isnt our child.. yours or mine.. That little girl is a constant reminder of that you were here and still here in spirit! Seomtimes she does  things and I just laugh and say .. "pam you see this kid? I swear she is the spittin image of you and many and eric ... If I didnt know better I would swear she was YOUR child "
And oh my gosh .. the other nite she was giving me hell! she wanted to lay on my chest and sleep .. Well .. she isnt this little baby any more. she is getting soo big she is in a 4t now!!!!  Well she was wailing and screaming cause I wouldnt lay with her on my chest and I look up to the ceiling and say "girl .. you wanna come down here and show this baby some love and cuddle her so I can get some sleep and so she will go to sleep !!!!!!!!!" if I didnt know any better ..........you were here! within 10 minutes maybe less. she was asleep on my bed .. NEXT to me .. with the most beautiful calming smile I ever seen on her face..
I miss you soo much pam.. I still have my ring on and refuse to take it off , I probably needs a good cleaning tho! and I think laura knows that the locket I wear hold a piece of you in it .. cause she plays with it all the time!!!!
Pam, I JUST MISS YOU MORE THEN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD!!!!!
AND I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH :)

hUGGGS AND KISSSSES FROM ME TO YOU..
LESE Close

here / Shawn
Pam, its me shawn. Just here to tell you how i missed not coming here to see you your pictures and share thoughts of you. I miss you soo much i still can't believe you are gone. Me and Chris were talking about you the other day and how much we miss you and how we took all the hugs and things we did with you for granted. I wish we could turn back the hands of time, i would love to se your smile again. I know i will but i am feeling a little selfish and would rather have you here. I just miss you so much, and it's been almost 2 months since you been gone. I know you know that i still talk to you and you here me i just miss the answers that you would give back. I know also you are having a blast in Heaven and you will rub it in about getting to see Jesus before me. I know when my time comes that you will waiting for me at the gates to tell me all about it and i am looking forward to the hugs again, my heart hurts that you are gone i love you Pam, just want you to know that. I just pray everyone heals and knows you want the best for them, and you don't want anyone upset but its hard when you can't see your loved ones anymore. Things go on and we can't change that but i know one thing i will never ever in a million years forget you, you were and still are my big sister. Imagine this i remember telling guys when i was little and they were bigger and picking on me that you would give them a beat down and you would be fast to come up on them too. Thats what i miss the most your overall protection of everyone. well i am gonna go for now, I LOVE YOU and MISS YOU! love always shawn Close

Im so glad.....  / Lese (Girlfriend)


I sit and remember your smile.. your laughter .. your touch .. I miss waking up to you in the morning. I miss feeling your arm around me at nite.. I never dreamed when you left it would be forever.. I never dreamed we would never be able to fix anything ever again . I never dreamed I would never dance with you again or feel your touch again or hear your voice.
In the middle of the road I stand not knowing which way to choose.....what do I do..
I can't let go .. can't stop loving you can't stop wanting you and missing you and needing you . I never needed you more then I do now. I just need you to be near me ... talk to me ..
I wish we could turn back the clocks and bring you home again .. I wish I could turn back time and tell you again how much I love You ..
I look at your picture everday that sits near my desk and I see your beautiful smile.. the one I would see when would share good times together .. and I miss it more then ever.. I have the flowers that I kept that you gave me over the years sitting on my desk... the angel that you so much loved that you got me some time back adornes the area with your picture as a reminder that you are an angel with beautiful wings now .. I just miss you pam .. I am so glad I got the chance to share my life with you .I dont say i was your girlfriend............I say I am .. and I will forever be... I can't let you go no matter how much I try . I have asked myself what would you want for me .. what would you want for Laura and the kids.. Happiness was the first on your list I am know .. But I can't give my self happiness unless I am with you . I try so much to move forward in life .. and it's still so new.. so fresh .. so not normal.
I can't bring myself these days to go to your resting place.. I guess I have begun to feel like it's a place I dont want to be with you at ..Valentines day .. it was one of the worst days I have had.. not only did I miss you so much my stomach hurt.. I was spending my day in a place I know you would have never wanted to see me be.. nor did I want to be .. I took it in stride and tried my best to put my faith in god and it worked out for the best.
My love ... I know your with me at times.. and noone can convince me your not .. But I so much want to hear your voice again .. feel your arms again.. This is all so hard.. My birthday is coming soon .. and I remember every year we spent together on my birthday .. it had been since I was 16 that it was celebrated... and you came into my life and you made it one of the best days of the year.. at this year ...........................I dread the day ....................................the kids and I have been going through things that you have given me over the years.. and I even today I can remember every single occasion for every single things right downt to the smallest of trinkets..
But of it all .. I think the one thing that touched me the most was while going through boxes I found a cross you had given me on a card that said Love .. Do everything in love  1 Corinthians 16:14 and There is not a doubt in my mind that is how you thought!
Til we meet again ..
I love you and miss you sooooooooo much .. HUGGSS AND KISSES

LESE Close

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO PAM & LISA  / TINA DORE ANGEL GENE BUNGAY
Close

Can you believe those Steelers? I was in shock when I heard !  / Lisa
I laughed my butt off when I seen the Steelers made it to the super bowl and WON as well ! I mean come on ! Of all the years I have been with Pam she would hold out forever and it never happened! She would curse and yell and get ticked it wasnt them Steelers at the super bowl!! SOO she would refuse to watch it cause she would say "It's not the Steelers what do I want to watch it for ???" hahahahahahahahaha

I agree.. for those who didnt know .. Pam was a HUGE steelers fan! For Some holiday (I can't remember which one now) one year I bought her Steelers Zippo that girl wouldnt go anywhere without and then well .. she left it somewhere one time and never seen it again .. If it wasnt that .. it was that Steelers coat she had  . OMG this was just too funny this year!!!!!!!
I still say we are given signs .. There's our sign hahahhahahha
Its funny cause Super Bowl Sunday mom and I were on the phone and neither of us watched the super bowl but we did talk about how you liked the steelers and it was funny how this was their year and I mean comeon .. look at who they were playing ! This game was all theirs ! I know you were watching from heaven with this HUGE SMILE on your face ...


Sorry Pam .. still stuck on the NY Giants(thanks to John!).. But  I Will root for your team to just cause it was ur team!!!!
As for John.. Now you know he wasnt to happy this year that his team wasnt the one at the Super Bowl HAHAHAHAHHAHAH
He's thinking about ya tho ! He was even here to light a candle for you !!
And I bet when He does see you again .. the first thing he will do is pull that prank on you that you ALWAYS fell for !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can still see your face turning 20 shades of red ! Well .. I couldnt resist.. when I seen shawns post .. I hadnt thought much about it since sunday til I read his post and then I remembered that damn Zippo! it's funny cause out of every thing I ever gave u .. I think that was the one thing you most upset about loosing !!!!!!!!!!!!! :)


Love ya girl !
Lisa Close

superbowl / Shawn
Pam, your boys did it. For all the people that didn't know Pam was a Steelers fan. Just wanted to share that. I like the steelers also moreso now because of Pam its just something for me to remember her by. Miss you very much and will see you again some day. Just pray to God that everyone who is having a hard time healing to pray  and expect an answer of your prayer and you will get it. It says in the bible that if you ask you shall recieve, but don't just call on God when your in need or when its godd for you, call on him all the time. thanks love ya Pam, love shawn





Close

My World is over without you LYRICS  / Lisa (Girlfriend)

Kenny Rogers with Whitney Duncan












I didn't look over my shoulder 

I wasn't ready for this 

Didn't see the signs over the horizon 

I was so sure that you would never leave 

But you did 



CHORUS

So sweep away the sand, and tide, the ocean, and just 

Pack the moon and stars up in a cardboard box, and 

Stop the clocks from chimin' 

Block the sun from shinin' 

Paint the sky a deeper shade of blue 

Cause my world's over without you 



I know I should just keep goin' 

But I don't know where to start 

I never thought I'd see the day when 

You'd go and leave me here with my broken heart, 

But you did 



CHORUS 



Maybe someday all the pain will fade 

Maybe this hurt will slowly slip away 

Maybe some days will never change 

And I'll still love you 



Stop the clocks from chimin' 

Block the sun from shinin' 

Paint the sky a deeper shade of blue 

Cause my world's over without you 



My world's over without you.. 



Stop the clouds from chimin' 

Stop the clouds from chimin' 

Block the sun from shinin' 

Block the sun from shinin'

Close